"Having To Look Closely"

Wool appliqued & airbrushed on wool, silk yarns, abalone buttons
5 ft x 5.5ft
Private collection, New York City
© copyright 2000 by Clarissa Hudson
Contact Clarissa for permission to use image for educational purposes only

Some of my robes are based on dreams, visions and perspectives; some are clan identity or history. Some are sometimes personal therapeutic revelations such as this robe “Having to Look Closely.” Instead of paying a psychiatrist to “let go” of internal warfare, I focused on designing and creating a ceremonial robe based on an initial “trespass against me.” Making this robe had lead me to an experience of freedom.

A fellow Raven Clan weaver from Tlingit country was interviewed for a publication. In the publication she stated she was the apprentice to Jennie Thlunaut before Jennie had passed away. Taking her "exaggerated truth" a step further, she indicated that she was the one who taught me how to weave. My initial response was neutral; it didn’t matter to me, what differences do her "exaggerated truths" have to do with me; she is just the way she is and most likely will always be. But, certain siblings in my family would not let it go; they stressed the fact that a lie, when printed, is something all readers will naturally assume as fact, and that when I come along and state my truth, because she had “laid down the initial path” (lies or no lies), readers will doubt my statements (unless of course, they know my character, and they also know the other weaver’s character). My siblings' perspectives were right on. I thought about the build-up of half-truths over the years this weaver had committed and suddenly I was infuriated. Several members of my family were infuriated. I had to do something “constructive” because I felt like destroying something. I turned my attention to creating this robe. During the process of designing and constructing this robe, I came to a place of understanding the other weaver’s “illness” which lead me to a place of compassion; I eventually “let go.”

The robe design: Six upside heads on the robe borders represent negative behavior; we can all relate to negative behavior. (I have yet to meet a human saint.) The main character is a Raven; she bows her head with reverence and compassion. She holds herself with grace as she looks within her self. She sees and understands the “dark sides” of her self; she holds herself compassionately without judgment or fear. Within each of her wings, there is an image: part raven, part woman. The raven woman in the right wing is crouched down, fist claw under chin ready to punch; another claw grips its own face holding down explosive emotions and at the tip of its beak she nips the toes of the other raven. The raven woman in the left wing is in a precarious position “reaching for the starts” stepping on the nose of the other raven, doing whatever it takes to take “highest position” and remaining there. Upon "having to look closely" where she sees similar traits within her self, the inner glowing face in the center of Raven illuminates outward with the understanding, compassion and acceptance of the dark sides of self; and within the release of judgment, she is free.

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